Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
a search helicopter?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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