...so i touched it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
