last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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