nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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