How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
