It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
