I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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