so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
