why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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