i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
