you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
