Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
3pm strippers are depressing
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
