lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
