all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it's like iHOP with fire
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize