yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
