Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
