Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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