Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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