Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
