I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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