Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
