just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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