It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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