Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize