And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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