let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize