just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
