speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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