i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
