no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
