Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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