Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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