I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she looked like the before picture.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
