Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
