Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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