How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
