why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize