Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize