I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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