But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
