There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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