I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
