This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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