I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
