Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
