If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
