i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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