So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
