I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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