I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I fill condoms, not promises.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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