i jhust puked up my retainher.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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