i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
