All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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