I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Alive.
So much puke
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
