I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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