it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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