when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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