i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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