and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize