your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
