this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
