Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
