Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
