we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
