I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
