Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
