This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
