All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
