Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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