I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
