Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
