You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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