just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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