The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
