Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
