And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize