I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He has the fingertips of a God
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