Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
