its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize