I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
