News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
