tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
