Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
