you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
