i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
