i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize