No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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