I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
