Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
