dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
