Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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