I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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