Plan B is the new Plan A
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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