The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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