Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
