You can't special order awesome
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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