I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
