Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
