Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize