I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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