My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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