You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
