Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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