he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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