just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
